It's time to break up and break free

What really is a toxic relationship? Many of us have it in our lives, and unfortunately it’s the relationship we have with ourselves

I’m talking about the self deprecating bond with our inner selves that makes us get upset and cry over the smallest of things, that makes us want to pull our hair out. But that’s no way to live, right?

I’m writing this post based on personal experiences, research and observations. This isn’t fluff advice. So if you want to improve your relationship with yourself, you’re at the right place.

First things first, how do I know if I have a toxic relationship with myself? These are the tell tale signs.

• Self criticism is your default mode. You constantly put yourself down, magnify your flaws, and rarely celebrate your accomplishments.

• Horribly negative self talk. Your inner dialogue is filled with phrases like “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess up,” or “I don’t deserve this.”

• You push yourself to exhaustion, neglecting basic self-care like rest, healthy meals, or downtime, as if you're trying to prove your worth.

• You dodge compliments. You deflect praise, downplay your achievements, or feel undeserving of kindness from others.

• You fixate on what others have or achieve and use it as a reason to feel less than or inadequate.

• You second-guess your decisions, doubt your abilities, and often feel paralyzed by fear of failure or judgment.

• You procrastinate, overthink, or make excuses to avoid opportunities that could lead to growth or happiness.

• You take on unnecessary blame, apologize excessively, and feel responsible for things beyond your control.

• You ignore your own needs to avoid conflict or gain acceptance from others.

Now I know we all do this to some extent from time to time. However, it becomes a problem when it becomes a pattern. Ask yourself about how frequently you experience these signs.

And here’s the work you can do to heal. Most of these have worked for my clients, pick the methods that work for you.

For Reflective Thinkers

• Write daily about your emotions, patterns, and triggers. Use prompts like, “What did I do well today?” or “What’s one kind thing I can say to myself?”

• Use guided meditations focused on self-love or healing.

I know not everyone is an awakened reflective thinker and even I wasn’t, so here are some practical tips for people like us.

For Action Oriented Doers

• Challenge self-sabotaging behaviors by setting small, actionable goals (e.g., accepting a compliment without deflection).

• Use exercise, yoga, or martial arts to process emotions and build confidence in your abilities.

• Build discipline, that will help you build self trust.

For Creative Souls

• Draw, paint, or create collages that represent your feelings or healing journey.

• Write a letter to your past self, expressing compassion and forgiveness.

• Draft a letter to your future self, full of encouragement and hope.

For Social Butterflies

• Join a community (online or in-person) focused on self-compassion, personal growth, or similar struggles.

• Share positive affirmations with trusted friends or family members to build mutual encouragement.

For Logical Problem-Solvers

• CBT. Use structured exercises to identify and challenge negative thought patterns with the help of a coach.

• Regularly assess what’s working and what isn’t in your healing process. Adjust as needed.

For Nature Lovers

• Spend time in nature to reconnect with yourself. Walk barefoot on grass or practice forest bathing.

• Reflect in a calming environment, like a park or beach, for deeper insights.

For Spiritual Seekers

• Recite daily affirmations like “I am enough” or “I deserve kindness.”

• Explore reiki, sound therapy, or breathwork to release pent-up emotions.

For Knowledge Seekers

• Read books on self-love, emotional intelligence, or personal growth.

• Take courses on self-compassion or confidence-building.

For Habit Enthusiasts

• Attach small self-care practices to existing habits, like saying a positive affirmation while brushing your teeth.

• Create a consistent self-care schedule, including moments for gratitude, reflection, and rest.

For Those Who Need External Structure

• Work with a therapist or life coach to gain personalized strategies and accountability.

• Pair with someone (an accountability partner) to share progress and stay motivated in healing.

For Tech-Lovers

• Use apps like Calm, Headspace, or Gratitude Journal to guide your journey.

• Set boundaries with social media to reduce comparison and negativity.

That’s it for now. I’ll catch you again soon. For more on lifestyle, productivity and mental clarity, follow @pranotihere on X.

For all the ladies here, if you’re curious about what my coaching looks like and wish to give it a shot, go ahead and book a trial discovery call with me here.